I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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