are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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