I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just cropdusted the office
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
