I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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