that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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