dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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