That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
