People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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