Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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