i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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