so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
