"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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