People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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