I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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