Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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