Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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