Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just fell off a train. Bad.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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