I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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