We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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