The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
