Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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