Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
