well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
