she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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