Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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