she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
