im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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