Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
