She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You can't special order awesome
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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