I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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