All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize