if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
