I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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