He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize