Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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