Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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