I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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