I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
