Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
