they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
