I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
