Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
