its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
