and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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