just come out here and I will go home with you...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize