My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
