Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize