don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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