Only a mothe r could love this liver
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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