I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
