absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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