I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
