He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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