we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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