Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
