how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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