dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's always time for handjobs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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