Swine flu is the new snow day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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