i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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