I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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