My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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